


Not Without You

by LiamDunbar



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, Hurt Steve Rogers, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Sam Wilson, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-01-31 10:11:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18589129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiamDunbar/pseuds/LiamDunbar
Summary: Ever since Steve lost his wife he hasn’t been the same, live hasn’t been the same. The only reason he was still doing this was for his kids, because they need him. So when a new chance at love comes on his path, will he take it? Will either of them take it?





	1. The dark hole of internet stalking

**Author's Note:**

> This emotional wreck just watched engame, so dont expect this to be great. It is however spoiler free!

Steve is standing in the kitchen preparing dinner when Luke runs into the house. The seven year old is jumping up and down excitedly, “Daddy, daddy! I made a new friend today!”

Steve was about to put on his best fake smile when he realizes he was supposed to pick Luke up from school. Fuck, he forgot, again. What kind of dad forgets to pick their kid up from school? Angela never would’ve forgotten to pick them up, a voice in the back of his head reminded him. “Luke, who brought you home?”  
  
“Oh miss Barnes” The kid answered, he was waiting for his dad to let him talk about the new kid in class. His new friend.

Steve however was thinking of completely different things. _Barnes,_ the same last name as his childhood best friend Bucky. Bucky who he hadn’t talked to since he left for college a little over 19 years ago. It wasn’t like his friend hadn’t made an effort to reach out, Steve just never reached back. Not because he didn’t care about Bucky, but he had finally gotten out. He was out of the crappy neighborhood in Brooklyn where they grew up. He got out. Bucky didn’t, Bucky stayed behind, taken care of his mother and sisters. At least that was the plan when Steve left all those years ago.

Last he heard Bucky joined the military.

Steve squatted down, now on eye level with his son, “Who is miss Barnes? You know what I’ve said about getting in the car with strangers.”  There weren’t many rules in the Rogers household, but not trusting/engaging with strangers when you’re not with ~~mom or~~ dad was definitely one of them.

“Miss Barnes is my teacher”

“Wasn’t Miss Jacobs your teacher?”

“Daddy, don’t be silly,” Luke chuckled, “Miss Jacobs was my teacher when I was little, I am a big boy now.”

Another teacher? Wasn’t he in Miss Jacobs class right before Angela died. It was 2019 now, so that was what? 6 month ago, oh god that’s  2 years ago. Had it really been that long already? It couldn’t have been.

His wife had died 2 years ago? It felt so surreal, but when he thought about, how big all of the kids were getting, how much she had already missed. How much _he_ had missed. Suddenly it hit him how absent he had been from everything. Physically he had been right there, but mentally? No where to be found.

Steve sighed, “Yes, the biggest”. He ran his hand trough his hair as he got up. As soon as Luke got the chance he told his dad all about Joshua, his friend, Steve endures it all, nods, laughs, does everything he is supposed to do and sends the kid to the living room. To do his homework.

 

Steve attempts to focus on making dinner, but he can’t seem to get Luke’s new teacher out of his mind, _or Bucky_. Before he can stop himself he sticks his head into the Livingroom. “Hey Lukey do you know Mrs Barnes first name?”

“Yes, Y/N” The kid said, barely looking up from his paper.

 _Y/N_ the name sounded awfully familiar.

 

That night, after dinner, after putting the kids to bed, Steve went down the dark hole of internet stalking. He started with Facebook; _Y/N Barnes._ Finding her couldn’t be that hard right? How many people could possibly names Y/N Barnes.

Turns out that number is 247. Two hundred forty seven possibly candidates.

Steve would love to say she was the one on the top of list, she wasn’t. He honestly didn’t even know why he was looking her up, if it was for Bucky he could’ve just looked Bucky up. For a moment he was tempted, he already typed in James Barnes. James, Bucky’s actual first name. A name Bucky hated and never responded to. At least back then he didn’t, who knew what he responded to now. Is he married? More importantly is he married to her? To Luke’s teacher. God that shouldn’t even matter, Steve dropped him, he dropped Bucky.

 

“Dad?” Steve had fallen asleep at the dining table. When he woke up he saw his oldest daughter, Peggy, standing in front of him. “Dad are you okay?”

Steve sat up straight, letting out a big yawn. ‘Yes, yes, of course. What time is it?”

“It’s 10 P.M.”

10 P.M., he had only grabbed his laptop 1,5 hour ago. God he had probably fallen asleep within 10 minutes. Hadn’t even found Luke’s teacher. Then it hit him, he could just drop Luke of at class tomorrow and actually just see her.

“I’ll drop Luke off at school tomorrow” He told Peggy, who usually had the task of dropping her younger siblings off. With that Steve stood up, gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead and went to bed. “Goodnight.”

That was possibly the first time in 2 years that Steve had a solid night of sleep.


	2. A classroom full of 7 year olds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very ruined by endgame 'author' writes a fic which is hopefully average xoxo

As always his alarm went off at 5 A.M, sharp. For the first time Steve hadn’t been awake before it rang. For once he actually struggled to get out of bed and get ready for his run. He did it anyway.

15 minutes later he was ready to leave, he had written his kids the usual ‘Am out running’ note, one that none of them had ever read, because he was back before they were awake. Force of habit, I guess.

Surprisingly enough, an hour later, when he got back his kids, all 5 of them, were seated at the kitchen table.

“Hey dad! We thought we’d have breakfast together today” Peggy said, smiling proudly. This was obviously all her idea. The table was filled with everything but the kitchen sink. Pancakes, eggs, waffles, bread, cornflakes any possible thing one could possibly want to eat this early in the morning.

Steve felt a knot in his stomach, back when Angela was alive they had breakfast together every day.  When his wife passed away Steve just couldn’t get himself to do it anymore. It just wasn’t functional. Took up way to much time.

 

Steve stood in doorway of the second grade classroom, watching Luke run to what he could only assume were his friends. He felt shitty for having to assume, a good dad should know. Or better a good dad **would** know. Steve didn’t.

“Hey, I haven’t seem you around before, I am Y/N or miss Barnes I guess” A woman said, the sudden talking startled Steve, who jumped back.

It took him a moment to call down, a few deep breaths.

“I am Steve, Luke’s dad,” Steve said, holding out his hand. This was the first time he got a good look at the woman in front of him. She couldn’t be more than 25 years old, maybe 30, but that’d be a stretch.

“Wow”

Y/N chuckled, “Wow? Yeah wow right back at ya. At this point I was honestly questioning if Luke’s dad even exists. I mean with the whole forgetting to pick him up, kinda thought Peggy was taking care of the kids all alone and you were some kind of deadbeat, no offense.”

The comment stung, something Steve was trying really hard not to show. Yet as soon as  he opened his mouth….

“I uhm- I- It’s, yeah no offense taken.”

“I didn’t mean it to sound like an attack on your parenting” Y/N said, an apologetic look on her face. “It’s just I get that parenting isn’t easy, especially not when you’ve lost your partner.”

Something about the way she spoke made Steve believe that she wasn’t just saying this because it was the decent thing. That she was speaking from experience. Steve wasn’t going to ask about it, he just couldn’t. He knew nothing about this woman, it would be disrespectful.

Yes, she did just do it to him, but what happened with Angela wasn’t a secret. So he just stayed silent and nodded, opting to awkwardly stare at his shoes.

One thing he was sure of however, this Y/N Barnes wasn’t married to Bucky. She couldn’t be, she was way to young. Bucky wouldn’t be with someone that young. Right?

“Well Mister Rogers, It’s been a real pleasure meeting you. I hope you find the time to drop the kid off more often. He seems to like it.” Y/N said, looking at Luke who was happily playing with his friends.

Steve wanted to say something about how he is probably always like that, but what did he know, this is the first time in 2 years he’s dropping the kid off to class.

“Yeah I’ll try” He said, before turning around and getting out of there as quickly as he could.

 

3 P.M, school pick up time. Usually Steve would be doing god knows what, but today he found himself waiting outside of Luke’s classroom. It was weird, he had planned on running some errands, maybe take Natasha up on her offer to grab a coffee, yet here he was. For once he remembered to pick up his kid.

Of course there are other parents here, but because of his, well, really awkward conversation with miss Barnes that morning, Steve couldn’t help but feel as though he was stupid for showing up again.

Not even 2 seconds after the thought entered Steve’s mind the bell rang and a bunch of happy, loud 7 year old’s came running out of the classroom.

“Daddy you really came to pick me up!” Luke said, immediately wrapping his little arms around his dad. Someone was clearly excited to see their parents actually there for pick up.

Steve saw the judgmental looks the other parents were giving me, so he tried to play it off by saying, “Of course I picked you up kiddo.” And picking the kid up. No one seemed to buy it, but hey, at least he tried.

When he looked around he saw Y/N standing in the doorway, talking to a handsome black man. Steve was a little surprised when suddenly the both of them were looking back at him.

“Steve, come here for a moment,” Sanne said, signaling with her hand.

Steve told Luke to go play outside and went over there. He felt a little nervous, usually when people called Steve over it was some kind of pity thing. He hated it, it was like losing his way was all people saw of him. Which was actually a pretty clear description of the sad widow!vibe he was giving off.

Y/N was fidgeting a piece of paper in her hand, “Steve, meet Sam,” She said, pointing at the man standing next to her, “My friend.” She hesitated a moment before saying friend, which made Steve wonder, was he more than just a friend?

Steve shook the mans hand, “So Y/N what did you and Sam want to talk about?”

“Okay so I didn’t want to bother you with it this morning, but I have this picture,” Y/N took a deep breath and continued. “I think you might be on it.”

Steve took a good look at the picture it was definitely him. Back when he was just a scrawny little kid, getting in fights in Brooklyn back allies. It was him and….

“Bucky” Steve gasped.


	3. A glass of Scotch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since Steve lost Angela he hasn’t been the same, live hasn’t been the same. The only reason he was still doing this was for his kids, because they need him. So when a new chance at love comes on his path, will he take it? Will either of them take it? 
> 
> Authors note: This is written post endgame, by me, your fave depressed mess, so IDK how I feel about this chapter just yet. I do ,however, hope you guys enjoy it. FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS WELCOME AND HONESTLY WANTED!

“James, Barnes, Buchanen, Idiot fuck face, whatever you wanna call him” Sam said.

This comment caused Y/N to hit Sam against the chest and laugh. “Sam, you can’t just call him **James** , that’s disrespectful, you know he hates that.” She said, as if ‘idiot fuck face’ is total appropriate nice language Bucky would just totally love. “So Steve, it’s safe to assume you knew Bucky?”

Steve nodded, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that out of the blue all these memories and reminders of his best friend are coming to haunt him. “How did you know Bucky?” He asked, honestly curious how either of them knew him.

“We went trough training together. Career choices, within the military, let us down different paths, always stayed in touch.” Sam said, the way he talked about their experience together makes it sound so meaningless, sterol, but the tone of his voice was full of respect, love even.

Steve nodded, “Wow, so Barnes really did it. He joined the army.” If one of them wanted to join the army, it would’ve been Steve. He actually applied quite a few times. Always got dismissed, cause of his asthma.

Asthma, something he luckily grew over as he got older. He was also lucky enough to finally gain some weight. A lot of muscle, at that.

“Yeah, well the things we do for family.” Y/N said, this time around she was the one staring at her shoes. “It was uh, nice to speak to you mister Rogers, but I have uhm yeah stuff to do. Bye Sam.” She charged off, not giving either of the men a chance to react.

Steve watched her walk away. He was left pretty confused and as he turned around to look at Sam he noticed the other man looked, well, sad. Yeah that’s the right word, sad.

“What was that all about?” Steve asked, hoping to gain some more information. Y/N hadn’t even told him about her connection to Bucky.

Sam raised his eyebrows, “She’s just having a rough time. Plus she has 3 idiot teens at home, no way Y/N is leaving them unsupervised for to long.” He said with a laugh.

Steve wasn’t buying it for a second, I mean he believed she had teen boys at home. Scrap that he doesn’t believe that. But then again why would Sam lie?  He really couldn’t believe that that was the reason she stormed off like that. Definitely not when she was the one that initiated the conversation.

“You know what Rogers, I have V.A. right now, but if you’d like to meet for drinks later, I’ll be at O’Malley’s around 8. Hope to see you there.” Sam shook Steve’s hand once more and walked away.

 

Steve wasn’t planning on going to O’Malley’s, he really wasn’t. He swears. Yet here he is, a little later then 8. Can’t risk being there before Sam. That would be embarrassing. That’s the way he felt when he waited in his car for 30 minutes to make sure he wasn’t early. Now, however, he was kind of regretting that decision and wishes he would’ve gone earlier. It’s rude to be late after all.

It wasn’t that hard to find Sam. The town in which they lived, sadly, had a very limited amount of racial diversity. So Sam was one of two black guys there. He was sitting at the far left corner of the bar. Nurturing something that looked like, Scotch?

Steve had thought him to be more of a beer kind of guy, but whatever.

“Hey, Rogers! You made it!” Sam said, he sounded genuinely happy to see him there. Also a little surprised, that was to be expected though, Steve hadn’t exactly been excited when Sam offered to meet him there.

Steve nodded, “Peggy, my oldest, was complaining that I never get out of the house anymore, so I figured, why not.” He was trying to play it off, like it was just something casual. As if he hadn’t been in social exile for these last few years. He totally had been.

Sam laughed, it wasn’t forced. Sam was perhaps the first person Steve had a conversation with since Angela died that didn’t treat him like he could break at anything that was said.

This became very clear when 4 beers in he jokingly said; “I bet you have a lot more closet space, you know now the missus clothing ain’t taking up all the space.”

Steve fell silent.

“Oh jesus Christ, fuck” Sam quickly realized what he had said, how wrong it was. “Steve I am so sorry I shouldn’t have. I am so-“

Steve cut him off mid-apology, “Please Sam, don’t apologize. You’re the first one to talk about her death like it isn’t some insane subject we can only speak about in serious sad tones. You’re the first one to talk about her in a way she would’ve enjoyed, a happy, funny way.” And Steve needed that. He didn’t say that out loud however.  He couldn’t, not just yet.

“Oh okay, well no problem, I guess”

And in that moment Steve knew he and Sam would be friends. He really understands what Bucky sees in this guy.

Speaking of Bucky, “How does Y/N know Bucky?” Steve asks.

Sam’s entire posture changes, he looks way more uncomfortable then before. Tense even. “Y/N and Bucky, they’re married.”

Steve was right, she **is** Bucky’s wife. She’s a lot younger then Steve would’ve imagined, but he could be wrong, he doesn’t know her age after all. That doesn’t explain the sudden shift in Sam’s demeanor though. So Steve looked at Sam, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Well I guess I should say _were married_. God, I don’t think I can ever get used to that. Sometimes it just feels like a bad dream, like he’ll just walk trough that door. You know, like he used too, shit eating grin on his face, Y/N on his arm. He won’t, I just can’t believe he’s really dead. You know?”

It felt as if Steve’s heart stopped and time stood still right after those words left Sam’s mouth. _Bucky is **dead.**_

“What did you just say?”


	4. Wanna meet my kid?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since Steve lost Angela he hasn’t been the same, live hasn’t been the same. The only reason he was still doing this was for his kids, because they need him. So when a new chance at love comes on his path, will he take it? Will either of them take it? 
> 
> Authors note: This is a little longer than all the other chapters, but I was just really feeling it I guess. At first it is more from the readers POV and near the end it switches to my boy Steve. FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS WELCOME AND HONESTLY WANTED!

When Sam came home that night he found Y/N sitting on the couch. She was holding a young girl to her chest, three teen boys were huddled around them. All four of the kids were sleeping.

“Hey” Sam said, softly. Well he was a little tipsy, so perhaps it wasn’t that soft, but it didn’t matter it woke no one up.

Y/N looked up from the TV, “Oh hey Sam.” Her eyes were red and swollen, a clear sign she had been crying, again.

Before Sam could ask about it she said, “They just miss him so much, so much Sam.” Tears started forming in her eyes. “And I’m- I’m trying I really, really am. I don’t- I just- I can’t let them down. I am all they have left. And the boys, they just don’t like me. They didn’t even wanna have dinner with me. They never do. This all just sucks so much.” The tears were now flooding and her breathing became more and more hitched with ever sentence she spoke.

Sam sat down on the table infront of Y/N. “C’mon kid, they’re 17. They don’t want to have dinner with anyone that isn’t one of their friends. You don’t have to be their friend. You just have to make them, don’t give those little assholes a choice.”

“But I am not their mom, Sam. They like to remind me of that all too much.”

“Look I am not saying it’s easy. It’s not, but right now you’re the only parental figure they have left. So don’t take their bullshit. Put them in their place.”

“But what if they don’t listen?”

“Then no dinner for them,” Sam said, he couldn’t possibly phantom how hard this was for Y/N. He didn’t have kids, but he would be there every step of the way. They would figure it out together. Just like he and Bucky had done many times before.

For a moment they sat there in silence. It wasn’t awkward, not at all. It was that good kind of silence. The ‘We got this’ silence.

Y/N was the one to break it. “You know why all the kids are downstairs?”

Sam shook his head. It’s one A.M, they should at the very least be upstairs, in their bed.

“Well I was watching this movie called ‘Me before You’. It’s this insanely amazing love story, one without a happy ending. I was crying because me and Buck used to watch it all the time. God I should really quit crying about everything that reminds me of him. It’s been six months already.”

Sam put his hand on Y/N knee, “Yes it’s only been six month since you lost your husband and grieve knows no time line. So don’t you dare be so hard on yourself.”

“I know, I know,” she sighed. “But okay so I was watching that movie and crying. Apparently Anna was up and crying, because  Brandon brought her down. So he saw me having my mental breakdown. Didn’t say anything, just handed me the baby and left. So I figured I freaked him out. Which, I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’ve been acting like I have my shit together lately and so seeing me like that was probably upsetting. Well 10 minutes later all three of the boys came downstairs.” She took a moment to breath and looked at the boys laying on the couch. Alex on her shoulder and Brandon and Caleb on top of each other on the other side.

“At first they didn’t say anything, they just sat next to me. I didn’t say anything either, didn’t want to ruin the moment and then with the smallest voice ever Caleb asked me why I was crying. God that kid has a heart of gold. So I told him this movie reminded me of his dad. After that they watched the rest of the movie with me and told me all about these amazing adventures they had with Bucky when they were younger. This is probably the first moment I have ever had with those boys were they willingly spend time with me.”

The way Y/N talked about the experience made Sam smile. He knew exactly how hard it had been for her to even try and form a bond with them. Over the past 4,5 years it had gotten a shit load better, sure, but after Bucky died it was as if for every step they took forward they had suddenly been thrown 10 back.

“See they don’t hate you” He chuckled. “They’ll probably continue to be little assholes, they are their fathers sons after all.”

Sanne smirked, “God you really are an asshole sometimes Wilson. Really know how to ruin a moment.”

-

The next day, due to lack of a baby sitter and Sam having to work, Y/N was forced to take Anna to school with her.

Alex had offered to take her to school with him, multiple times, he really loved his baby sister. An offer Y/N had kindly refused. His grades had been slipping for a while now and she wasn’t about to make it even worse by allowing him to take a whole ass baby to school.

With only thirty minutes left before class started, the kids started to slowly fill the classroom. Well most of them ran straight to the desk where the baby seat was standing.

“Wow miss Barnes is this your baby?” One asked.

“Yes.”

Another, “What is his name?”

“Her name is Anna.”

“Why is Anna here, miss Barnes?”

“Because I couldn’t I don’t have a baby sitter and my friend Sam had to work.” Y/N explained.

“Your friend Sam, huh?”

The sudden sound of an adult voice made Y/N jump around and almost slap the man standing behind her.

“Jesus- TONY,” she was about to complain about surprising her, but then noticed it was Tony Stark. Without a second thought she threw her arms around the older mans neck, pulling him close. “God T it’s been way too long.”

“Well you never did call.” Tony said, he ran his hand up and down Y/N back. They hadn’t seen each other since the funeral…

Y/N let go from the hug. “I know,” she said, giving Tony an apologetic smile. “Wanna meet my kid?”

“Is that even a question?”

-

Steve had barely slept the entire night. Most of it was spend thinking about Bucky and how he never went to see him again. How he should have, how he promised that just because he moved away didn’t mean they’d never see each other again.

How he really screwed up.

Sam had told him all about this advanced weapon crap they were doing with Stark Enterprises, how Bucky had offered to go along to Afghanistan for the test run. How that had quite literally blown up in his face.

How after 5 years of no longer being send out to fight in the war, Bucky Barnes decided to do one last run. He wasn’t even going to fight, he would just try out some new weapons. It wasn’t supposed to be dangerous. No one could possibly get hurt.

But something did go wrong.

Something about a burned trough censor. One mishap. One casualty. One life lost. Bucky’s life lost.

So imagine Steve’s surprise when he dropped Luke off to class and saw Y/N hugging with the head of Stark enterprises, Tony Stark.

It took everything in him to not walk over there right now and beat the crap out of that man. He almost did it, but then he saw her face. The small, smile on her lips. The way she turned around to show him something on the table.

Wow is that a baby?

Steve couldn’t help himself and walked over there.

Y/N was just turning around holding the little kid in her arms. Her eyes met Steve’s as she looked up. “Hey,” She said, softly, her attention immediately going back to Stark. “She has his eyes.”

“Your everything else.” Tony said, his finger running over the full check of the baby. “Her name is Anna right?”

Y/N nodded. “Yes, don’t ask why I couldn’t tell you. Bucky kept on suggesting it.”

“Miss Potts and I wanted to visit, we just never found the time. Sorry, she’s adorable though.”

“Tony it’s okay, really” Y/N, but something in the way she said it made Steve feel like it wasn’t **really** okay.

He knew he should probably walk away, just ask about the kid later or never. “Bucky had a kid?” Jesus he could never just keep his stupid mouth shut, could he.

“Four, Bucky had four kids.” Y/N said, looking from Tony to Steve and back. “Something you would have know if you had ever just picked up your phone and called him.”

That stung and honestly, he deserved.

Y/N looked like she was about to say something when Tony asked, “And who is this handsome fella?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, a small smile “This is Steve Rogers, he and Barnes grew up together.”

“Well how come I’ve never met him before, I attend like a good half of the birthdays.”

“Because Steve abandoned Bucky the second he got the chance. Which is whatever, I mean, they were young. I shouldn’t be angry about it, I’m sorry. Had a bad night of sleep.”

Steve just nodded, “Yeah, me too.” He had a feeling there was a little more than that going on, but he realized that this was not a bonding kind of moment.

 

Tony left shortly after, he ended up taking Anna with him, claiming to have a free day. Y/N seemed to trust him so Steve didn’t say anything. It was also just not his business, but his mouth didn’t seem to care about that. Like at all.

“Sam told me about Bucky, I’m so sorry for your loss.” He said, instead. God he should’ve just led with that I general, would have made him look like so much less of an asshole.

“Yeah, thanks Steve.” Y/N said, giving him a rather fake looking smile. A smile he knew all to well. It’s that weird ‘thanks for saying you feel sorry for me’ smile, he had continuously used ever since Angela died.

“Wanna get a drink after you finish working?” See, there his mouth went again.

Sanne looked a little taken back by the offer. “I’d love too, but no I can’t, have to pick Anna up from Tony’s and he lives in the city so we’re probably eating there, which means I have to pick the boys up along the way, so I have no time. So no, sorry”

“It’s okay.” Rejection, something Steve hadn’t dealt with in a long time, just like asking someone out. Wait did he just ask someone out? Well not just someone, Y/N Barnes, the widow of his (ex-) best friend. “I have stuff to take care off as well. You know kids and stuff…..”


	5. Stark Tech Weapon Program (S.T.W.P)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Ever since Steve lost Angela he hasn’t been the same, live hasn’t been the same. The only reason he was still doing this was for his kids, because they need him. So when a new chance at love comes on his path, will he take it? Will either of them take it? 
> 
> Authors note: This is a little longer than all the other chapters, but I was just really feeling it I guess. At first it is more from the readers POV and near the end it switches to my boy Steve. FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS WELCOME AND HONESTLY WANTED!

_//Flashback//_

_“Stevie? …Jesus Steve are you okay?”_

_“Yes I am fine Buck”_

_“Then why on earth are you crying?”_

_“I got in”_

_“Got in?”_

_“You know that art program I applied for? I got in!”_

_“That’s great, Steve, but these don’t exactly look like happy tears to me”_

_“It’s in … It’s in San Francisco”_

_“San Francisco…. That’s the other side of the country” Bucky’s voice was soft, barely there, but his face spoke volumes; He was sad, heartbroken even._

_Seeing his best friend like that made Steve want to stay. Just call the university and tell them he won’t take it. He can’t take it, not if it meant hurting Bucky, leaving Bucky._

_-_

_“You have to go” Bucky said, his voice was stern, he wasn’t going to change his mind._

_Steve however had always been stubborn, extremely stubborn, “Buck you can’t tell me what to do. I want to stay. I won’t leave you alone.”_

_Bucky shook his head and placed his hands on Steve’s small shoulders. “C’mon Stevie, you have to do this. Live a little, learn about something you’re passionate about. Make new memories, see new things.”_

**_God damnit Bucky_ ** _, Steve thought, resting his head against the hand on his shoulder. “I’ll go,” He agreed, the hesitation clear in his voice. Was this really what he wanted? “But promise me we’ll stay in touch.”_

_Bucky grinned, “Yeah of course Punk. I expect a call every other day, gotta make sure you’re still kickin’ “_

_Steve just nodded, decently sure that if he opened his mouth again he’d cry like a little baby._

_Leaving Bucky behind, was by far the hardest decision Steve has made in his whole 19 years of living._

_//End Flashback//_

Steve couldn’t shake the thoughts of Bucky, especially not his death.

That is how he ended up spending his entire day researching the Stark tech weapon program (S.T.W.P).

 

 He even took some notes:

Turns out the program was set up by New York natives Tony Stark and James Barnes.

_So Bucky helped set up the project that ended up leading to his death?_

It was set up with the intention of creating fast, efficient, military grade weapons.

_This doesn’t even sound like something Bucky would ever want to be involved in._

The weapon part of the program is strictly created and used within military basis’ and war territory. For every weapon created 200% of the money used to make it is donated to a V.A organization ran by ex-air force member, Sam Wilson. This organization helps  veterans all over the country rebuild their life.

_Now that sounds like something Bucky would be involved in, helping others._

Suddenly he realized something, Sam Wilson, that is the same Sam Wilson he met the other night, it must be. How else could he know all about Bucky’s death. Also how big is the chance of Bucky knowing and working with two Sam Wilson’s.

After careful consideration he decided to send Sam a text, see if he wanted to hang out sometimes. Wilson had told him that ‘a friend of Bucky’s is a friend of his’, after all.

**_Hey Sam, Steve here! Was wondering if you’d like hangout sometime?_ **

**_Jo, of course man. I can do dinner tonight. The missus is away_ ** **_😉_ **

**_You could have dinner here, do have kids here though….._ **

**_I have kids around always, any excuse not to cook is great. Just send me your address._ **

Dinner was not what Steve had in mind, at all, but having a little adult company around wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

****

By the time Sam arrived Steve was sitting on the couch, beer in hand.

Peggy was standing in the kitchen, instructing the younger kids to make the table. She herself was tending to the food.

Steve felt like a worthless parent for allowing his kids to take care of everything. Again. But when Peggy came home from picking up the kids and offered to take over, it just felt so easy. Steve couldn’t help himself. He just let her.

The doorbell rang, pulling Steve from his self-deprecating thoughts. He hoisted himself from the couch and went to open the door. When he got there Jazz was already standing in the door opening.

“Hey, my name is Jasmine, but everyone calls me Jazz. You must be Sam. Dad’s friend!” She said, holding her hand out to the man.

Sam’s eyes met Steve’s, he laughed, taking her hand. “Yeah, I’m Sam. Nice to meet you kid.”

Dinner went by smoothly. Sam was, to Steve’s surprise, really good with kids. The two of them were sitting on the porch swing, drinking a beer. Sam had done the dishes, claiming it was the least he could do, especially since they made him such an amazing dinner.

“Did you make the food?” Sam asked, slowly rocking the chair back and forth with his legs.

Steve shook his head, “My eldest, Peggy, did.”

Sam leaned in. “Well Steve, I was afraid that that was the case so I said nothing, but that is perhaps the blandest, most tasteless chicken I have ever had.” The tone in which he said it implied it was a secret.

This caused Steve to breakout in laughter. “I thought you found it an amazing dinner.”

“That’s what you say when someone cooks you dinner. It’s the nice thing to do.”

“Well thanks for not breaking my kid’s heart.” Steve said and winked.

“Steven Rogers, are you flirting with me?” Sam said, adding a fake gasp for drama.

The comment made Steve almost choke on his beer. “You wish.”

 “Sure wouldn’t mind.”

“You…” Steve wasn’t sure how to ask this question. “You swing… that way?”

Now Sam was the one laughing. “If you’re asking if I am gay? Then yes.”

Well Steve sure didn’t see that one coming. He had secretly been thinking that Y/N and Sam were together. So right now he was really happy he didn’t ask _that_ question.

“You got a problem with that?” Sam asked when Steve stayed silent.

Steve was quick to shake his head. “No ofcourse not, Peggy and James are both gay. Well James is bi, which mean he likes boys and girls, atleast I think it does. Any way I don’t have a problem with it. It’s just that I- I thought that you and- You and Y/N were together, maybe.” He said, stumbling over his words as he way going way to fast.

“Dude calm down. I was just messing with you.” Sam had put his hand on Steve’s shoulder, in an attempt to get him to slow down. “Also, me and Y/N? Really you think I would date my best friends widow? That’s not an okay move.”

For some odd reason that last comment stung Steve, way more than it should. I mean it isn’t like he was dating Y/N or even wanted too, right?. So why did it offend him so much? Perhaps because Sam called Bucky _his_ best friend. Yeah maybe that was it.


End file.
